First Session Back

I don't quite remember exactly how long I was holding Ben. It seemed like an eternity, but when I let go, it wasn't long enough. I threw him up in the air and he giggled.

“Ben! I’m so happy to see you!” I exclaimed. Truthfully, what I really meant to say was, “I am praising the Lord that you remember me!” That had meant the world to me. If only I could’ve expressed to Ben how much I had been thinking of him over the last three months, and how I’d been praying for his wellbeing… but the truth was, the smile on his face said it all.

“Go show Mindy you’re room, Ben,” Lisa said. Upon hearing that, Ben took my hand and although he didn’t meet eyes with me, said, “c’mon!” and pulled me in the direction of his bedroom.

I was….baffled. Was I delirious, or did Ben just initiate contact, respond to a command, and want to interact with me? Oh, and appropriate language, might I add??

Never had I imagined the last three months resulting in this kind of behavior from Ben. This poor child, at two years old, had experienced a series of traumatic events, but still smiled, still laughed, just wanted to play with me and enjoy life. I couldn’t help but wish I could be like him; to only take the good out of life; to appreciate the fact that I’m alive and breathing, and not let extraneous circumstances bring me down. This child was just happy to be in the world.

I opened the door to Ben’s room and he trotted right in. He seemed excited to show me his new room. “Wow, Ben!” I said. “You have a new room! I love it! What’s this?” I asked, as I pointed to his bed.

“Bed.” He responded.

“That’s right, Ben! It’s your bed, and what is on it?”

He made some sort of a “pfhsh” approximation, and with that I high fived him and said, “That’s right! It’s fish.”

Lisa had decorated his room adorably. He had a Finding Nemo theme, cute table and chairs, a bed filled with stuffed animals, and a large toy chest. The woman is going straight to heaven.

I spent the rest of the session getting reacquainted with Ben. We played on the floor, at the table, just enjoying each others’ company. Before I knew it, the hour was up, and after discussing the new program book and scheduling with Lisa, I left.

I was thrilled.

Shaya Hits A Homerun

http://www.aish.com/movies/shaya.asp

This short film brought tears to my eyes. I hope it has an effect on you as well.

(Ben's story will continue...)

Back At Last!

I stared at the email for another minute, and then reached for the phone to call Ben's new foster mom. No, that's a lie sorry. First I did a little dance.

A very nice woman answered the phone. I could hear a lot of screaming children in the background, but there was something about the woman’s tone that put me at ease. I introduced myself as Mindy, one of the therapists who worked with Ben. We spoke for a few minutes, and then I set up a time to come over to the house.

Boy, did I count down the days. I was also extremely apprehensive, and when the day finally came, I was a strange mix of excitement and nerves. As I headed towards Ben’s new place, I was worried that he wouldn’t remember me. What if he didn’t want to see me at all? What if he showed no emotion? What if he was a changed child? I honestly had no idea what the poor child had encountered over the three months since I had last seen him… not knowing it would be the last time for three months. I suppose if I’d have known, I would have somehow said goodbye for now. I would have created a special signal between just us, so he would be reminded of me when we met again. The thoughts were flooding my mind, and I realized it was time to block them. The bottom line is, Ben was back, and I was on my way to see him after all this time. A miracle!

The real miracle, however, came a bit later.

I knocked on the door. A really friendly woman answered, introducing herself as Lisa. She was holding a three month old little baby boy. She walked me up the stairs and I saw two cribs, each containing toys, stuffed animals, and a twin girl. As I walked into the room, the girls grabbed onto the bars of their cribs and stared wide eyed. One of them had dirty blonde hair and big blue eyes. The other had curly black hair and striking brown eyes. I almost didn’t believe they were twins.

“Their names are Lynn and Danielle,” Lisa said.

I walked over to their cribs and started to talk and smile at them. I took one of their stuffed animals and playfully pretended to have it kiss them on the neck. They didn’t know if they should laugh or cry. I took a step back.

“They were abused children, Mindy,” Lisa told me. They were badly neglected. They just need time to warm up to you.

I felt my heart breaking for the girls. Lisa also told me that Jordan, the baby, was born to a mom on drugs. “That’s why his limbs are stiff,” she explained.

I couldn’t believe it. How could parents do this to children? I was angry, sad, shocked, and personally hurt all at the same time. I just wanted to take these kids home and give them everything they wanted. I felt a tear escape from my eye as I watched them, almost forgetting why I had come to the house in the first place.

But then, I heard the pitter patter of feet. Ben appeared at the top of the next level of stairs. I turned slightly to meet eyes with him, and gave him a huge smile. “Ben!!” I cried.

No response.

I put my bag of toys down and waited. He slowly walked over, his eyes cautiously on mine.

And then he ran. Into my arms. I held him tight and didn’t let go.

Plea and Promise

I'm a person forced to belong in a world I do not understand.
I respond to that world with behaviors, which you do not understand.
Here is my plea.

Approach me gently and quietly.
Present your world with compassion and kindness.
Be patient with my rejection, respect my world.
And at least initially, allow me to find solace in that world.

Never give up on me.
Never give into my autism.
But believe in me as a fellow human being.
Take time for me, be kind to me, entrust your compassion to me.
And we both shall gain.
You too, will find your world more joyous.
For together we will be challenged to confront life.

With strength of character and determination of spirit,
You will find new meaning to your world as I challenge you.
To teach me, it is worth entering.
Your mission will not be an easy one.
The rewards along the way will be small and few.
But together we shall walk hand in hand.
Facing your world with delight.

Your life will be enriched because you have touched mine.
I promise you.

-Unknown

A Very Exciting Email!

I was home from my vacation for about a week, when I woke up one morning and sat down to check my email. There was one message from my supervisor at work. The email was very short, sweet and to the point; thus, not very explanatory. However, I didn't care. Not one bit. Maybe that's because the email went something like this:

"Mindy, Ben can resume services. He is now at 1267 Carabou Blvd. His Foster mom is Lisa."

She proceeded to list her phone number at the end of the email.

I stared at the email, unable to blink.

BEN WAS BACK!!!!!

Does Anyone Else Have a Heart Around Here?

Of course the minute I got home, I called my supervisor. I was so confused; I didn't know what to believe. As much as I wanted to believe Sally, the way she spoke was always strange, and the last thing she had said left me more unsure and confused than ever.

My supervisor had no answers, as she hadn't heard from anyone. "As far as we're concerned, Mindy, he's off our records for right now," she had said. "If you want, I can place you with another child to make up your hours."

Wow, even my own supervisor didn't know me at all! It wasn't about the hours at all. I couldn't believe I had lost Ben, and in such a confusing way. I didn't even know my last session would be the last. How unfair!

As another two weeks went by, I found myself keeping in touch with Sally over the phone periodically. She was still feeding me a story that didn't add up and when I continuously asked her what was going on with her lawyers, she always had an excuse. It was either "he won't tell me what's going on," or "I haven't heard back from him." Didn't she care enough to track him down and get some answers?

During this time I also realized something very interesting -- she never seemed to wonder where Emily was; just Ben.

At the end of the month my husband and I took a vacation to Disneyworld. Though I had told Sally numerous times I would be unavailable, she still called me during that time. As much as I wanted to get away from it all (I usually do NOT -- or at least try to not bring work with me on vacation), I jumped when I saw her name on the caller ID. I always thought she would have some answers for me but of course, never did. This time, she was grilling me for answers.

"Have you heard from anyone? Your supervisor? I'm dying to know where Ben is, please can you find out?" she had asked.

"Sally, no I haven't, and did you forget I was on vacation?" I asked.

"Oh I forgot you're in Florida! I'm sorry!" was her reply.

"It's okay," I reassured.

I told her once again that I hadn't heard anything, and we'd be in touch when we got back. Only thing was -- we weren't. That was the last time I spoke to Sally.

I'm Finally Back!

Hello, all you patient bloggers out there.... I know I haven't posted in a heck of a long time, and once again I truly apologize for that. I went through a crisis in my life that prevented me from keeping up this blog, but I finally am slightly back to myself and with internet access (that was a problem for a while, as well).

Just wanted to post this so you all can see that I will (or at least try to) be posting on more of a regular basis now.

Thanks to all of you who didn't give up (hope some of you are still coming back to check!) -- and I'm looking forward to continuing to share my story (stories!) with all of you!

Next post coming soon...........

~ Psyched (is psyched to be back!) ;) sorry - I guess being away for a while has turned me slightly corny :P